What to do if our family experiences a difficult situation?

 We have been discussing a lot the concept of marriage. I think this is because since we are focusing on families, we are pretty aware that couples, meaning a wife and a husband, are a central part of this, and how they work it´s essential to the future of that family and the outcomes of their children.

We are all pretty aware of the fact families are not perfect. We have never been taught how to deal with specific issues. The only thing we know is how our family has worked. I guess this has always been the way to teach others how to be in a family. We have learned from our parents, and they have learned from our grandparents. Teachings go on from generation to generation. There are different aspects that have changed, and that keep evolving. For example, the way people dealt with children´s undesired behavior and how they were reprimanded has changed. Years ago, parents would hit on their children, which would be considered one of the best ways to teach your children how to behave. This, however, has changed. We are more aware of how this truly affects children.

One aspect we are not taught as we grow up is how to deal with stress. I believe most of us have had different experiences dealing with stress within our own families. I have a wide range of examples of families, not only from my extended family but also from my friends. I have seen different types of families thanks to my friends. I have seen the effects of divorce, single mothers, etc., on my friends. My ultimate conclusion from seeing these examples and mine is that we do not know how to deal with stress.

Something we learned in class is how difficult situations can sometimes help families. For instance, this might not be a challenging event, but when I left home, my family fell apart because they did not know what to do. I had basically disrupted the balance that we had. But, as I have mentioned in previous posts, they had to find a way to keep that balance, so everyone had to find new roles. This specific situation that was especially hard on my parents and my brother helped them become closer. My brother had always been independent, and as much as we loved each other, he wasn´t especially close with my mom. However, he had to find a way to occupy my role, and he has created a stronger bond with my mom. This is just a small example of how a stressor can help families find a way to grow stronger. Sometimes a stressful situation has pretty obvious consequences. It makes these families have even more issues or causes breaches in perfectly functional families. I remember this one time a friend told me a story about the time her grandfather died and how this caused considerable stress in their family. Her grandfather died suddenly in an unfortunate way that really affected her mother. Since the day her grandfather died, my friend´s mother became distant, she isolated herself from her family, she became depressed, and they would barely see her smile. This caused a breach in their family that was really hard to repair. It actually took them about a year or so to start going back to the way they were. However, even to this day, she tells me that it´s hard for them to talk about her grandfather because it makes her mother really sad. She tells me that their parents haven´t been able to fully repair the breach created between them.

It would be great if we were given a manual on what to do once we get married. What things to do, what things to avoid, special tips on what to do in specific situations, etc. However, this is not the case, and I believe it´s something we have to learn. A takeaway from this week is that communication is essential for a family to survive and thrive in difficult situations. Maybe if my friend´s mother had chosen to speak about what happened to her father and how she felt and rely on her family, the breach wouldn´t have been that big.