Intimacy during marriage

 Last week we focused on the new changes that appear once people get married. Learning how to be a married couple is essential. This is something that people don’t usually teach us. We do receive advice from family members and friends, but it might not be accurate. Everyone has different experiences regarding marriage, and we haven’t received proper “training.” This word might sound kind of weird but think about it. Aren’t we taught how to speak, how to behave in society, how to succeed in college, etc.? Marriage is crucial to families and our lives, so it should be logical that we receive some sort of training or are taught how to navigate this unfamiliar concept and way of life.

One of the most critical steps, I believe, for married people is intimacy. This, however, has changed over the past years. It was socially common for people to save themselves until marriage. This is not the case anymore. In fact, it is pretty rare to find this nowadays. We can see this fact everywhere. There are shows or movies on TV with people having sex before marriage, and it’s a common thing for people to do. There are shows whose primary audience is young people having scenes of teenagers having sex. I remember watching this TV show back in Spain of a group of teenage friends, and one of them had started dating this boy. One girl started telling her how it was already time to do it and how it was so dumb to wait for the perfect moment or perfect guy. That girl was making her feel bad about her own choice. I think most of us girls have experienced this or at least heard about it. I had friends who made me feel bad back in high school because I hadn’t even had my first kiss. Instead of making you feel bad about not kissing anyone, they are making you feel bad for not having sex. How is this okay? Unfortunately, I have friends who have shamed me for not having had sex already.

I have always believed that being intimate with someone is something extraordinary. That is why I have always wanted to leave this particular act to my future husband. This is a decision that I have made, and making someone feel ashamed because of this doesn’t seem right. In class, we have learned how this is also very important, and in fact, is a crucial element for married people to create a bond. In fact, it’s also known that during sex, you make a very strong relationship with the other person. Sex is not only biological; it’s psychological as well. This is especially true for women, as women tend to take more time to become aroused and ready than men. My family has always told me that during sex, it’s essential to trust your partner because, as I said, it’s more than just something biological. Trusting your partner and putting their needs before you is vital. This doesn’t mean that you are the only one that will look out for your significant other’s needs. Your partner has to be attentive to your needs as well. This is not a one-person act. It’s an act with two people who love each other and have created a special connection.

Practically everyone today will laugh at this idea and mock people who want to save themselves for marriage. Don’t change your thoughts or values for someone else, and understand that this is the choice that you have made. Unfortunately, I have known people who have regretted not saving themselves and doing it with someone who did not deserve them. Again, I believe that everyone has the agency to choose what they want to do, but the important thing to remember is respecting each other’s choices and understanding that there is a reasoning behind them.