What Holds Our Family Together?

 

While growing up, we all have noticed the difference between our family and other families. We have been intrigued as to why they are that way. What makes those differences, and what makes us somehow similar. As I mentioned in my last blog post, the concept of family has changed a lot throughout the years and continues to evolve until today. I guess, in a way, that is what makes us different as well.

To better understand families, I should mention that families are viewed as one system made of different parts that work together. We can make an analogy with computers. For those of us who have little to no idea about machines, we cannot quite grasp the concept of how all those little parts inside a computer can make it work and help us, for example, complete a blog post like this one. But as long as one of those parts gets broken, it will immediately stop serving its purpose. The same thing happens with families. Each of us constitutes a part of a bigger system. We all have roles that serve a purpose in creating our family as we know it. We have the basic roles such as mother, father, daughter, and son. However, there are more roles than just these ones. For instance, a father can have the role of a leader in a family. A mother could have the role of caregiver. A son or daughter could even have the infamous role of being the “black sheep of the family.”

Everyone has roles and not only one, many. Now you may ask, do we choose our roles? How do we know how to perform our roles? We all know there are rules in the universe that are unchangeable such as the law of gravity. Families have something similar, and although they can be breakable, we do have rules that we follow unconsciously and consciously. Have you ever answered your phone really fast whenever your mom calls because you know she will get mad if you don’t? That could be considered an unspoken rule: Always answer your phone when mom is calling you. There are some spoken rules that I think we have all heard, such as: “Say thank you after someone gives you a gift” or “don’t chew with your mouth open.” These rules could be thought of as rules that help us perform specific actions. But what about our roles? In my dad’s side of the family, they tend to be more conservative, which entails that whenever we are having lunch with them, my mom and I, or any women per se, need to serve the men. In addition, my grandparents, for example, expect my mother to be the only one doing the house duties. Fortunately, she has not taken over this role, and we all share responsibilities. These are more traditional roles that are sometimes passed on through generations, but there are others that we assume as time goes by.

We, humans, are very complex people. We change and adapt depending on our experiences and circumstances. To better illustrate this, I can start with my own family’s example. While growing up, I was more defiant of the rules in my family. I did not like that my mother made me go to bed at 10 pm, and I wanted to stay up later. I remember my brother was mom’s little boy. He took care of her all the time. He was the mediator in our house. But, as years went by, he arrived at the glorious period of puberty. Now he was the one who didn’t want to accept the rules. He was adventurous, had a curious mind, etc., he changed. So, I had to assume his role. Ever since I have been the mediator and the peacemaker, this is called homeostasis. It’s a way for a system to maintain its balance and adapt to disturbances. Funnily, now that I have left my home country, my brother had to resume his previous role.

I believe family is the foundation of our future. The bonds we establish with our families are crucial and having a good and strong relationship with them is essential. As I mentioned in my last post, intact families with good and healthy relationships increase children’s good outcomes. Performing our roles will help our families be a unit and work as a whole.